1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
