The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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