The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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