I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize