All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
