White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
where are you?
Hypothermia
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
