the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
