Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
