so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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