She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
