I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
