I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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