dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
