I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
