I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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