someone threw a dead crab at me
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There's always time for handjobs
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
