this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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