I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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