Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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