i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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