Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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