I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
