I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
