i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
