dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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