I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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