I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
