He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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