I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?