Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
