I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy