If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
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Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
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They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in