Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA