Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
