How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
