you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
