I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize