Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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