I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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