Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Girls should come with a carfax report
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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