My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
