Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
