i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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