So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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