Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
