I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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