Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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