Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
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I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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