I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
