he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
