Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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