I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
