I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
