sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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