you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
