I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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