the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
