i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
