Screwed.edu
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
