boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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