Is it because I queefed?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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