Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
