I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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