I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
