I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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