I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
did you just send me my own nude
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
