So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
