So drunk its hurt
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
