Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
