I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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