his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
