She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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