we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
