You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
