Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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