How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
