I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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