Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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