Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
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I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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