fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What a dumb baby whore.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
