and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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