As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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