I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
