Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize