She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
