She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
the raccoons are back...
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