You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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