AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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