i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
