I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
