am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
