You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
