You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
