well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think your dad took our porno
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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