cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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