Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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