As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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