Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
